SEX: Feeling Very Good Is Very
People will ask why I write about sex?
Because it's what people want to read. If this column were about
giving blood at the orphanage...would you be here? Personally,
I've had a great deal of experience in this area. As a result, I
suffer none of the frustration and fixation shared by most
Americans. Just consider the latest flap-doodle involving half a
dozen little girls doing a sexy dance in sexy outfits as part of
some sort of competition. The video is shown again and again and
the refrain is always the same: Aint it awful...tsk-tsk-tsk. I
don't think it's awful. I don't think it's anything but a way of
boosting ratings with a sexually immature audience.
Sex is funny in that you can live
without it...but not without paying a mental/physical price.
It's a simple pleasure that grows all out of proportion when
it's denied. If Mother Nature were allowed to have her way, this
would be a far better place. And who's behind all the brouhaha -
God? Actually, it's religion.
In order to run a successful religion,
you need to follow just one rule: Have more members coming in
than going out. One way to achieve this is by gaining control of
their sex lives. Try to think of a religion that doesn't have
anything to say about sex. Get a grip on that one single,
chemically driven aspect of life and you will have a
stranglehold on your flock. The more they try to avoid it the
more they're going to be drawn to it and the more they're going
to feel like sinners and the more they're going to need you to
save them. Tell people sucking lemons is evil and they won't
suck lemons and they won't need you. Tell people sex is evil and
you'll have them stuck in a revolving door.
Now here's the rub and the real reason I
get so provoked by people who have been bamboozled into
believing that copulation without at least fifty strings
attached is anything but normal human behavior. The truth is,
violence tends to be inversely proportional to the availability
of sex. Remember generations of coaches who told the team to
avoid love so they'd be full of hate for the big game? Look at
riots in the street and what do you see? Mostly
young, testosterone filled males throwing bricks. Look at guys
flying planes into buildings. Would they do it if it weren't for
the 79 virgins? And why do you suppose there's such a premium on
virgins? The male's lack of experience leads to a lack
of confidence and that, in turn, leads to a raging fury against
experience and confidence...so let's find someone with neither.
The weird part is that so many terrorists truly believe America
is swimming in sex. If they only knew that it gets so much
attention only because there's so little action.
Eddie Izzard does a very funny and very
insightful routine that involves God laying down the laws of
mating. The dogs are told to do it doggie style. The dogs go
away happy. The cats are also to do it doggie style. The cats
aren't really happy about that but when are cats really happy
about anything? The salmon are told about swimming up stream,
struggling over dams and crashing into rocks only to die at the
end. Bummer. And finally, the humans are told they can do it
pretty much anyway they like...as long as they feel guilty. So I
get comments from obviously guilty readers telling me how scary
sex really is and providing laundry lists of things that can go
wrong whilst rolling in the hay. That God ever invented sex in
the first place was clearly a mistake so they create caveats
that will at least make it as unpleasant as possible.
However, if anything, it's a lack of sex
that can be deadly. The British Medical Journal reported on a
long-term study of nearly a thousand men between the ages of 45
and 59. In our culture of scary sex it's perhaps not too
surprising that the findings have not received the attention
they deserve. You see, the data showed that the amount of sexual
activity enjoyed by a man is directly proportional to both
his health and longevity. Men who reported twice as much sex
were half as likely to die prematurely.
As for all the stories you've heard
regarding the dangers of the pill, in a study that followed
46,000 women for almost 40 years, taking the pill resulted in
their being less likely to die prematurely from all causes
including cancer and heart disease.
And finally, there's always the threat
of unwanted pregnancy. This is typically thrown up by the same
folks who want to ban sex education, readily available
contraceptives and abortion. The point here is that certain
women will continue to make babies because they don't have much
else to do and/or because they view it as a kind of cottage
industry. Clearly, Abstinence Only and Just Say No approaches
don't work. So if you really want to get serious, consider the
Chinese model. If not, then just keep doing what you're doing
and getting what you're getting.