September Songs

Looking at my family and friends, it seems to me that seniors who have been married a long time are happier.  Is this true or is it just my imagination?

 

In general, people who are married report being happier and appear to be healthier as well.  They certainly live longer than their unmarried friends.  What’s more, there is evidence to show that this effect increases with age.  So those in long-term marriages probably do have more satisfying relationships.  Two reasons for the might include the fact that a miserable union would most likely have ended in divorce years earlier and, then too, it’s not as though there are that many opportunities to form new relationships.  This is especially so for all those older women who naturally tend to outlive men.

 

A new book, "September Songs," takes a look at seniors who have been married for many decades and draws a number of conclusions.  One of the most interesting is that couples seem to report going through something of a U-shaped curve during their lives together.  There is typically great joy at the start when the partners still find each other new and refreshing.  But that initial sense of exuberance then begins a steady decline as the mate’s foibles become obvious, the sex becomes routine, children arrive and the long haul begins.  Dissatisfaction grows until the base of the “U” is reached.  At that point, if the couple hasn't separated, the marriage can start to get better.  The drives and ambitions of youth slowly fade and people tend to move into a period of greater satisfaction and contentment.  This is a good time to have a life-long friend with whom one may share day-to-day life while giving/receiving support.

 

Author Maggie Scarf interviewed 75 couples that were all older than 50 and married for at least 20 years.  Sex was usually a relatively low priority, but they did seem to share a sense of being close and showed open affection.  It was generally agreed that communication was important and a hearty laugh on a regular basis was close to bliss.  Few things are as sad as sitting in a restaurant beside a couple that shares hardly a word during their meal. 

 

Money is important, but in no way is it a cure-all.  If you have enough, that’s fine…it ceases to be a problem.  But having a lot extra doesn't seem to add to one’s overall sense of contentment.

 

Past infidelities can be more or less of a problem later in life.  It really depends upon how the couple in question chooses to handle them.  Since these episodes of straying from the marital bonds were so common – almost universal – perhaps it would be better if young couples were better prepared to expect and to meet such challenges.  During marriage, those individuals who can honestly say they haven't been unfaithful, or at least tempted, a few times are the exception and not the rule.  Despite all the modern romance novels, the notion of one man, one woman, 50 years is clearly not what Mother Nature had in mind.

 

Look At It This Way

But perhaps the best part of growing old together is the emotional contentment that can come with age and experience.  The little nuisances are ignored while the truly important things are recognized, singled out and cherished.  For those who are fortunate enough to enjoy good health and a positive frame of mind, a mature marriage can be one of the truly unique and most rewarding parts of life after fifty.

 

Contact the author with your comments or questions c/o Da Belly or directly at

DrSBMason@aol.com